He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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