I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
