its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
