remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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