I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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