if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
