The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
