the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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