yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
