did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
