i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
