We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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