pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
