how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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