So drunk its hurt
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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