I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
