can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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