People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
