he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
