those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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