i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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