If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
