is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
