nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
