Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This toilet bowl is my home.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
