there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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