I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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