Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
