Moan for me like Helen Keller
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
