a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
