I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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