There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Actions speak louder than pants.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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