im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
