I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
