So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
