Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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