I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
