dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
