If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
