so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
