:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
