yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
