I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
