the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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