My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
