You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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