they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
