that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
