Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
