Betty ford says i'm here all night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
