I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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