he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
