she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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