If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
