some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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