i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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