Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i out mim tonsoeep
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