How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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