I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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